Growing

Hello again! It’s been a little over a month since my last post…too long, in my opinion. However, the focus on school was necessary. The past month has been one of the most stressful months in my life…and for no particular reason other than it was just plain hard. However, it is done with now, like a lot of other things…

Friday was the last day of classes of my freshman year of college. It feels like I was just moving into this dorm, and in a week and a half I will be moved out. After final exams, I’ll have almost four months of freedom from this academically restraining life. But, like most “end of the ____” blogs, it’s time for some reflection.

I don’t think there’s one word that can accurately describe my entire freshman year…but this word tries to: Growth.

I have grown in more ways than I could possibly imagine over the past 8 months. I never imagined I would like living in a dorm…with 34 other people on my floor. I never imagined I would join a sorority. I never imagined I would learn to call this place “home”. I thought that starting college would be the start of the rest of my life. But, when I got here, I learned it wasn’t. As I mentioned in a previous post, college felt like high school without parents to me. But I’m slowly learning the point of college.

The reason that we go to college is to grow into adults. I mean, so many people have kind of told me this before, but it didn’t really click. I wanted to go straight from high school into “the adult life,” even though I have no inkling as to what the adult life even is. I wanted full responsibility for myself. Normal college kids didn’t. They wanted to study a little, have fun at the same time, but be able to rely on parents for things. Throughout my freshman year, I’ve learned to rely on my parents a lot. They’ve become some of the most important people in my life, and in my opinion, they weren’t always.

It just finally makes sense now. Now that one year out of four (or more) is over, I understand that it’s okay to have fun in college. I don’t have to make a 4.0 (even though I get morose when I don’t). I don’t have to study every. single. day. Maybe I’m falling into the peer pressure idea of “college is where the party’s at”, but honestly it feels a lot more freeing than the socialist mindset I wanted to have with: eat, sleep, study, repeat.

I’m still super dedicated to my studies. I still want the same things as I did 8 months ago for my life in the future. I’m not as changed as I was afraid I would become. But I 

It finally feels as if I’m growing into who I’m supposed to be. I don’t have all the answers, and I won’t. I never will. But at least I try to find them.

Freshman year was a whirlwind. I’m happy that I get to relax over the summer, but I am sad that I’m going to not be around so many amazing and talented people for a while. Some of my best friends now live 13 hours away. But I know, that when August comes around, they’ll all come back to college. And I can’t wait for that.

 

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